A Letter To The New...And A Reminder To The Old

Dear New Mama,

I just wanted to take a minute to tell you how excited I am for you. What a miraculous time to be welcoming your own sweet bundle of joy. I know that during this time it may get very hard, and especially hearing all the advice, tips, and tricks everyone has. You probably have questions, and are unsure of where to start. I also know I told you my one piece of advice, is to not listen to everyone’s advice. I am actually going to go against that for right now, and tell you some things that have helped me as a mom.

Journal your journey. I journaled from the day that I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I wrote to my daughter telling her about all her little kicks, persistent hiccups, and ‘lightening rod pains’ I had in my side. I wrote about my naps, how I felt while exercising, and my husband’s huge smile when he put his hand on my big belly, to feel her kick for the first time. I wanted to remember every last detail, and for my daughter to one day to read about it. One day I envision giving her that journal; my most prized possession, so that when her time comes to be a mama, she can know these things. Because we all end up asking our moms these questions, about what it was like when they were pregnant with us. It’s ok if time has passed by and you haven’t been able to write it down. Just eventually start, because I hate to admit this. You do start to forget some things. It’s not because you weren’t present or that you didn’t care. I think honestly it’s because we were sleep-deprived, and in survival mode. We were trying to keep our babies alive and healthy, and that definitely takes a mental toll. Just write something down.

Find your mama tribe. I will be honest…none of us really know what the hell we are doing. Maybe someone who has multiple children, sure, we can call them the professionals. But most of us are just winging it. Trial and error. And you will have a million (plus one) questions about what diapers to use, breastfeeding or formula, nipple shield or no nipple shield, pull ups or no pull ups, gripe water or no gripe water. It’s a lot. And this is where it can get tricky. You need a mama tribe that you trust, but you also need faith in yourself. It is very helpful to bounce ideas off of your tribe, to pass along tips, and to ask questions. You will need that. You will need those play dates, where you think you will be able to chat casually with your mom friends, but instead you are all running around trying to keep your children from eating sand. You will need those people who understand that if they don’t hear from you as consistently as they used to, that it’s ok, because you are keeping a human child alive!

But believe in yourself. There is something called a mommy intuition and you need to trust it. You know what is best for your baby bear. You know if something feels off, or if they are feeling a little feverish, or if they just need their mama. You know what they need even when you think that you don’t. Trust that instinct, girl!

Lastly, to end this long-winded letter, don't mourn your baby growing up. This is a hard one and I feel like not everyone likes when I say this. And I feel like the mothers of teenagers, may look at me and say “she has no idea what she is talking about”. But I know in my heart of hearts, that we should be spending our days, not being anxious or sad that our babies are growing up. Of course I miss my toddler being little some days. It usually happens when I walk into Carters. But don’t fret…there are some children that do not get to grow up. That is not a guilt trip…that is the bold face truth. When you find yourself in that moment of being sad that they are out of their onesies, acknowledge it, show some gratitude, and then move on. Go pick up that baby (no matter how old) and do something to be present with them. Get off your phone. Stop scrolling. Turn off the TV. Be present with them, and name out loud something you are grateful for. Name your favorite part of the stage that they are in right now. I am grateful that they slept 4 consistent hours. I am grateful that they can now feed themselves. I am grateful that they did not play with their poop today. Your gratitudes should be much longer than your complaints. You will find many people who constantly complain about their children. Don’t forget that you wanted this precious human growing inside of you. Don’t be that person, who one day realizes that their baby is all grown up, and all they have done is whined about it.

I am not being that mom that thinks everything is rosy and unicorns about parenting. I have plenty of days where colorful language comes out of my mouth. Days where I trip on the Melissa and Doug play food and kitchen utensils set. And nothing creates more frustration for me, than when my child won’t eat the award-winning grilled cheese I made her for dinner. It isn’t all perfect…nothing is in this life. But you have the choice to create the relationship that you want with your children. Sure…there will be days that your child is an absolute butthead! And guess what, you will have days where you are an absolute butthead as well. On those days…simply breathe. I promise it is all going to be worth it!

Hold your head high…because you are going to rock this thing, mama!

Love,

your mama gang