This Almost Didn't Happen

This almost didn't happen. This being Truths and Gratitude. 

This blog was not created out of confidence or boldness. It was created almost two years ago when I was a new mother, emotions and hormones running freakishly wild, and I was in counseling. You have heard me say it before...journaling was everything for me while I was in counseling. I found my voice. I found my recovery. And I found that I had something to say.

I would go back and read the things that I had written, and I almost didn't recognize my own voice. I sounded so sure of myself and so bold. I remember telling my counselor that I felt like I had something to say, and I wanted to share with others. 

So I did. 

But not in a way where my readers would recognize who I was. In fact, I didn't want anyone to know that it was me, Brooke, sharing her thoughts and being vulnerable. There was something terrifying about putting it all out there for everyone to see. What would people think? Would they think I was ridiculous? What if they started to ask questions like "who does she think she is?". Would they not read what I had to say? What if they didn't like the things I put out there? I could literally go on.

So I kept it a secret. Guys, I would write these things that I felt so very passionate about, and I would hide behind a screen and not OWN my true self. I was already setting an example for my daughter that said, be yourself, but don't be your true self because other people may not like it...so just HIDE! 

Eventually, I just stopped working on it. I was so consumed by needing someone else's approval on things that I wanted to do with my life. I needed to know that someone would like what I was passionate about, because if I failed...I didn't want to fail in front of others. I didn't want to look like I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't want to not have all the answers. I would say that phrase we all say "Oh...I don't care what other people think", but I really did. I was letting the fear of what others might think, keep me from being me.

Here is the funny part you guys...

No one gave me their opinion. No one gave me any opinion to make me feel like I should fear working on something. No one said, "oh Brooke a blog...yeah are you sure you can do that?". No one said "Brooke, it seems like you don't know what you're talking about. I don't like this idea". No one said, "You're going to fail at this". I let the fear of what others might think, talk me out of my own ideas and passions. I was assuming...and you know what they say about assuming. 

Friends, I have said this before...every single one of us thinks about what other people may think. If you say you don't, you're lying. We are human beings who love to succeed, and who want to feel loved and accepted by others. Its human nature. It is normal to think about what someone might say or think about the decisions you make in this life. What you do after that is where you either fail or succeed.

You either let the fear of other peoples opinions handicap you, to where you are silenced and unable to move forward. Or you recognize that fear, those butterflies in your stomach, and the fear of the unknown.

And you do it anyways!