5 Tips For Your Own Getaway

We were both young when we first met. He was a rowdy young buck in the military, and I was a girl who had a bad attitude towards men in general. I was tired of dating and being disappointed, and I was tired of the dating scene. We met in a bar, danced together and the rest is history. There was a lot of growing up that we both had to do since that day. There have been growing pains, uncomfortable situations, and many talks. We are still those two babies that met on the dance floor, but in the same moment we are much different now. Life has brought about jobs, responsibilities, babies and houses to remodel. There are expectations that need to be met, bottoms to wipe, fires to put out and deadlines to meet. 

What used to feel like a playful swim in the water, sometimes can begin to feel like we cant keep our heads above the water. In this moment, is when I began to feel like something has to be done. We need to take a moment to getaway. When we think of a getaway, we think about leaving everything behind, but the truth is whatever you are leaving behind, will be right there waiting for you when you get back. It was so very important to me that when we took a moment to "getaway", that we used it to our advantage to learn, disconnect and then ultimately reconnect. 

It was so very important to me to step away from any distraction that we may have had, whether it be the blog, social media, our sweet child, baseball games, and household chores, in order for us to devote all of our attention to one another. It was actually somewhat odd whenever we took away all of those things, and directed all of our attention to one another. It felt wildly different and long overdue. There were several simple truths that came to mind when I began to think about our getaway. 

Here are our 5 tips for your "disconnect to reconnect" getaway:

1- Keep it simple. While planning your date night, date day or weekend getaway, try to keep it somewhat simple. Sometimes adding so many things to your to do list, is what can be the problem in the first place. We have so many distractions now these days, and at times what we need to do is absolutely nothing, but together. Or sometimes just not having an absolute plan, can allow some stress free fun to come about. Maybe that looks like hanging out by the hotel pool, until you are ready to move onto something different. Maybe that means walking around the city, until something strikes your fancy. See what moments can pop up when you let it happen naturally.

2- Be yourself. This tip seems so easy that it almost shouldn't be mentioned, but yet I had to remind myself of this, even though I have been married for quite some time. I remember us being out on the town, and I was looking around at other women and thinking "oh I should be more dressed up like them". Or since we were on our getaway "I should be drinking a lot more than I usually do" (which is almost never now with a toddler). I felt like I needed to be something different, dress differently or act differently, but that's not who my husband fell in love with, now was it? Nope. Instead he fell in love with a girl who's idea of dressing up included her favorite pair of Birkenstocks. Her bathing suit had no fancy design, and her hair somehow ended up in the same bun that she has almost daily. 

3- Reflect on your past, but don't try to be it. There have been so many times where my husband and I both have reminisced about the people that we used to be. How we used to be so full of energy, or how we used to act a certain way. The truth is deep down we are still those people to the core, but there are certain parts of us that have changed. This happens in life, and its ok as long as you both understand that. I hear the phrase "growing apart", but I remember our marriage counselor putting it a different way. 

He mentioned that people grow ahead of each other, meaning at times couples grow, but will leave their spouse behind. Instead of reaching down and saying come grow with me, take my hand and lets go together, one may keep growing until they feel completely disconnected. Or maybe you have tried to offer a hand and they refused to grow with you, ultimately leading to a disconnect. I am no marriage counselor, and I know that this may not be a popular way of thinking, but ultimately we all grow and change. We aren't supposed to be the same person with the same habits that we had ten years ago. We are supposed to transform not only as a couple, but for ourselves as well. So reminisce and talk about the old days, but work with what you have now, and find a way to move forward by seeking growth together. 

4- Do something completely new together. Doing new things together helps you see a different side of your partner that you may have never seen before. For us, this meant renting those scooters you see all over the sidewalks in a busy city. We had never rented one before, but we figured it would be such a fun way to get to where we were wanting to go. My husband went scooting off like he was Tony Hawk himself, as I came slowly putting along behind him, happily going my 11 mph. We laughed, we almost busted it, we illegally rode on sidewalks, and we got caught in the rain. It was fun, it generated new conversation, and because of it we have new memories.

5- Understand that your getaway won't be flawless. I'll speak for myself... in my head I thought ok we are away from everything, no responsibilities, just two grown adults having a good time. And then there was a small "discussion" or disagreement. And I thought what in the world, we are on our "getaway" we shouldn't be doing this, it needs to be picture perfect. And friends that is just not the case. I finally came to the realization that my husband and I are two totally different people - and its ok! Sometimes there will be little kinks or tension that you just have to work out. Once we discussed our disagreements, we were good. But just because we had a small glitch during this "special time", doesn't mean the whole getaway was a wash. That is just your brain trying to trick you... you will still be good.

Can I give you a "not so popular" bonus tip?

When we decided we would take this time for one another, we decided that we would take a break and "disconnect" from the things that are distractions to us. For him it was the baseball game. For me it was not updating anything blog related (website or social media). A total disconnect. And my friends it helped tremendously. Whatever is distracting you, can you hit the pause button for just this short amount of time to reconnect? Is the sacrifice worth it to you? Our relationship is far from perfect, but we both do want this to last and want the best for one another.

And sometimes the best for one another, is the best versions of ourselves!