Alert And Confident

There really isn't a cute way to talk about this topic. It doesn't fit in a pretty little box tied with a bow. But I know that it is something that needs to be said. 

I am a firm believer that there is beauty in this world. I can vividly see moments from my life, where I realize this life is so beautiful and bright. It's in my babies' smile. It's on a warm sunny day, being near any body of water. It's in my bedroom, as my husband and I snuggle and binge watch our favorite show. These moments in life make us feel uplifted and mostly safe.

I am also a firm believer that wherever there is light... there is also a darkness. There are moments in our lives where we don't see the bright side. There isn't some pretty little quote on Facebook that can make a situation better. We realize that not everyone has the best intentions.

That is just the bold face truth. 

A few months ago there was a story that came out about a college age girl, Aniah Blanchard, who was going through her normal routine. She decided to go to the store for a bag of chips, and the next time she was seen was when her remains were found in a shallow grave, miles away from her home. When that story happened I remember asking my husband how can we protect our children? How can we prevent something like this from happening? Everywhere on Facebook, I saw where mothers, single women, people of different races and backgrounds who were all fearful. Fearing the darkness and the unknown. And while those fears are perfectly understandable, those same fears can be crippling. Keeping us from wanting to run errands, staying away from certain areas of town, or causing paranoia when we are at home alone for the night.

How can we not only protect ourselves, but also those we love? No matter if we have children, no matter if you are female or male, no matter if you live on the south side or the north side... how can we be alert and confident? From the day that Aniah Blanchard went missing, I knew that it was time to grow up and take responsibility for not only my safety, but also for my daughter's safety. I thought about things that I could do in certain situations that would help me feel alert and confident... not alert and paranoid. One thing that you hear people say is to "STAY ALERT, but what does that look actually look like?

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Here are T+G's 5 Top Tips for Staying Alert

1. Familiarize yourself with your surroundings. 

This tip is actually something that my husband reminds me of all the time. Before my husband became a firefighter, he was in the military for several years, so practicing this tip comes very naturally to him. Every time we go to a restaurant or bar, he always sits facing the door. It used to annoy me in the beginning, because if I had sat facing the door at one point he would look at me and ask for me to move or just scoot over. I would roll my eyes and think, oh here he goes being picky where to sit. But he wasn't was being picky. He had been trained to always face potential problems. In the military, they are taught to run towards the fight...not away from it. When you sit facing any entrance/exit doors, you are able to fully see what is coming and going into your environment. This is allowing you to prepare for anything that may potentially be a threat or catch you off guard. When you walk into a public place think about if something were to happen, how could you get out of there? This isn't teaching you to expect or see the negative, it's asking you to be realistic and aware of whats going on around you.

This should also be considered when you are getting out of a vehicle. Before you get out, take a look around you to see what is going on and who is around you. This is especially important if you have children. It takes one second for a quick glance.

2. Make eye contact with others.

There have been so many times where I have felt uncomfortable in a certain situation, and instead of looking up I would put my head down. I wouldn't make eye contact with a person and instead come across as timid or nervous. Make eye contact and keep your head raised. You need to be able to stay aware and alert of your surroundings, therefore looking down is not going to help you any. When we cave into our fears, we come across as timid and afraid, and for women especially that is something that can make us a target. When you gaze ahead and hold your head high, making eye contact (its ok to smile) allows you to come across as confident. One thing that might be causing us to put our heads down is our phones. This can cause us to be a target as well. You are smart... you know which situations give you the heebie jeebies and others where you feel comfortable. Don't ignore that intuition. Put the phone away for a second and look up to take it all in.

3. Get in the habit of locking up. 

My husband always laughs at me when I follow through with this one. If he steps out of car to pump gas or run into the store, I am immediately reaching to lock the door. To be honest...it's something that is just a habit now. He could be out of the car for literally a second and the door is already locked. Start getting in this habit...again this isn't something you are doing to cause you to be paranoid. This is your safety we are talking about. I don't know about you, but there are so many times where I am sitting in my car to catch up on texts or emails, maybe I am downing that Subway sandwich or cleaning up all the animal crackers off the floor. And sitting in the car alone at times can cause us to be a target. You have seen the Facebook posts, of people talking about people approaching their car in the parking lot. Get in the habit of locking the dang door...doesn't matter if someone is with you or not. 

4. Have a partner in crime.

I catch myself saying that I sound like my mom so much now. And we all know that our mamas were right about these kinds of things. The truth is that there are crazies out there so the best you can do is be mindful of the things you are doing and the situations you are putting yourself in. There have been so many times I have looked back and thought how did I not get hurt being in that place? How was I not harmed when I walked in that parking deck all alone? The truth is most of the time we just aren't thinking. We don't want to think about the negative... we want to believe that we live in a world where every individual has good intentions. That's just not the case. Don't go places alone... we hear this one all of the time, but we are still doing it. We read about someone meeting up with someone, alone. Walking to the parking lot in the dark, alone. Going to pick up something you bought off of Facebook market, alone. Try your very best to have someone with you... a friend, a spouse, or a family member. 

Of course there are moments all throughout the day where yes, of course we are going to be on own. We're not going to call up our girlfriend to go to Publix with us. We're not going to expect our mom to meet us at the gas station so we can pump gas in the dark. Of course that is unrealistic. But situations where you are on your own, meeting someone new, being out late, walking back to the parking lot from the bar - these are the moments where you could benefit from traveling in pairs.

5. Become very comfortable with your weapon of choice.

It's inevitable that we will be on own at some point during the day. We are going to be strapping our babies in their car seats on our own. We are going to go on that long run without our running partner. We are going to want to stop by that store that isn't in the best part of town. So ultimately, your safety is your own responsibility. I have heard so many times people say that they want to protect themselves, but they are scared to use the very thing that could help save their life. 

When I say weapon it stirs emotion, doesn't it? Some of you reading this will say "hell yeah, second amendment". Some of you will immediately stop reading this post in opposition of using any form of weaponry. When you look up the word weapon its defined as "a means of gaining an advantage or defending oneself in a conflict" (thank you Google). So a weapon could literally be anything to help you defend yourself in a situation meant to cause you harm.

It could be pepper spray. 

It could be mace. 

It could be a firearm. 

It could be your car keys. 

It could be your fists. 

What could you use to help protect yourself in a situation gone bad? Your hope, your prayers and your positive vibes are not going to help you. I am so sorry to be the one to squash that bubble for you. It is so important for you to not only have something, but actually use it consistently. There were so many times that I went on runs by myself, and I felt ok being alone because I would carry my spray. But there were also times where I forgot my spray, and on those days my runs were a lot shorter. 

Not sure how to use that firearm properly or are super nervous about using it? Practice. Take a course to help you become comfortable using it. Using the excuse that you are scared of it, will not make you any more comfortable. 

None of these options sound like something you want to be a part of? That's ok. At least think of your body as a tool. When we have active shooter drills at work, they mention to us that ultimately it boils down to flight or fight mode. Do you know how to fight back? Is there a class that you are willing to take to learn self defense moves? Just a few moves could help save your life or someone else's.

Here's the deal: these tips are for your safety. To get you thinking. To make you realize that this is reality sometimes. And there may never be a moment in your life where you feel threatened. You might feel safe enough to not have to ever worry about remembering these tips. If that's you, more power to you. How blessed you will be if there isn't a moment in your life where you have to reconsider your safety. But if you don't take these tips into consideration for yourself, can you do it for someone else? Can you consider that maybe that lady in the checkout line in front of you is fearful of her ex? Can you consider that maybe that teenage girl walking in the dark parking lot might need someone to look out for her?

The best way to spread the love is to not only be aware and alert for ourselves, but also for those around us. There is a lot "fake news" out there that I think wants to scare us, cripple us and make us feel like we should stay hermit crabs. But there are also real moments where it causes us to stop, rethink some things, and make a change. Take a moment to consider how you can become more alert and confident.