I have come to realize something. Something that took me several years to understand. Interestingly enough, it didn't take speaking to a therapist or the listening ear of a friend. I truly understood this idea of intimacy and connection while writing our daughters birth story.
Let me explain myself.
I have learned something about myself. I am a "feeler", an emotional being - one who is always looking for that below the surface conversation. I don't just want the "meat and potatoes", but its the "gravy" that makes things even better. The gravy are those extra yummy moments that show the goodness and purity of life. I think that when you tap into that, you are tapping into raw and authentic emotions, and you are making a real connection. A real connection to not only the person you are speaking with, but with yourself.
I thrive for that connection. I thrive for the "gravy".
Many people don't understand or are too afraid to go below the surface. Its too deep. Too raw. Too real.
Its easier to not face the raw and the authentic, but it leaves us disconnected.
I've always known this about myself. That I am a feeler. But its become stronger and stronger over the years.
...
When I experienced childbirth for the first time, I remember describing it as a literal spiritual experience. There was literally no other experience I could think of that brought me to this place of feeling so downright raw and present. Bringing me to a place of an overabundance of gratitude.
And I felt that again with our newest addition. But not only did I realize it was a spiritual experience, but for us, my husband and I ... it was an intimate one. In my opinion ...the highest level of intimacy we have experienced together.
There it is right there. In the middle of a contraction, and you hold my hand and kiss my hair. Its right there, as my head perfectly lands on your shoulder as I cry. Its when the nurse asks us what our other daughter's name is, and we both say her name proudly, at the same time with a big smile on our face.
And the most intimate of all?
Its right there. I see you hold your breath in excitement as our love bugs breathe their first. You are so eager to jump right in, glove up, and help bring them into this world. That moment is the one I replay over and over in my head. I try to remember that moment as vividly as I can. Your eyes tear up as they were placed on my chest, and there is no need to say anything to one another as we look at what we just brought into this world. Its in those moments, where I catch you staring at our girls as if you're trying to memorize their every smirk and dreamy expressions.
That is the "gravy" of life.
That is that feel good, below the surface and connection that feeds my soul. And it hit me that this is why I love having tiny little humans with you. You get it. You are exceptional at being a dad. And I feel more connected to you in those moments, than ever before.
Thank you for these precious moments.
Thank you for these girls.
Thank you for being my "gravy".
