Sitting With Your Giants
This past weekend I had the opportunity to speak at a Wellness Retreat. And the whole theme and idea for the weekend, was this idea of seeking a transformation in our lives. Originally when I was asked to speak, I had my mind set on the"top things you can do to transform your life", and how transformation was this beautiful process.
___
And while it still stands true that transformation can be a beautiful thing, I quickly changed my definition of transformation after a really hard week. In fact, the week leading up to the day I was supposed to speak, was actually a week with many changes and struggles. It wasn't pretty. And honestly, I felt that I wasn't equipped to even speak about transformation, when I in fact am going through one myself.
Some of my most authentic and rawest moments are not the most positive or pretty. I have come to realize that the one thing that is constant in our lives, is change. And for a type A personality, a person who likes control and a plan... this can rock my world. But I have come to realize that there is no finish line when it comes to transformation. There will always be change and a transforming of our lives. In fact,
"Transformation begins with our discomfort."
And boy is it here. Discomfort is showing up in many ways in our lives. COVID, mandates, race wars, politics, a haunting past, divorce, abuse, rocky finances, loss.
I have come to realize through counseling that we have to SIT with these things. We have to SIT with the discomfort, to truly understand it, process it and then... and only then can we move forward. We must recognize the positive and the negative. Not just one or the other.
As a speaker/blogger/author/podcaster/and goal oriented person... I have this mindset where I want to push past all the negative. Focus on the goal. Ignore the negative. Don't sit there too long. Run past it. Have this warrior/fighter stance and shrug it off.
But through counseling, I have learned that we can't just shrug it off. Because if we don't deal with our shit, it will gladly manifest itself in other ways in our lives. We (myself included) begin to experience anger, the blues, a short fuse, anxiety, panic attacks, headaches, chest pressure, etc.) These physical effects are caused by us not sitting there, and truly understanding where our discomfort comes from and why it bothers us so badly. And therefore, we aren't truly ever transforming.
We continue to find ourselves constantly craving that self help book, looking for the right answer, asking the same questions to only get the same answers. When the truth is, WE have to be the ones that are willing to sit down with our giants, to understand them.
It reminds me of soldiers that are going off to war. They don't just hop right onto the battlefield, guns a blazing. No. They have to actually sit in harms way. Sit in the discomfort and uneasiness of knowing that their enemies are close by. They don't just push right through. Instead, they get to know their enemy, get to know their giants, in order to defeat them.
In order to truly transform our lives, we must sit with our stuff. And we may need to sit there for a hot minute. In order to understand it, but also to figure out what the next best move is to make. Transformation is truly put to the test in the next step you take after the discomfort. Do you choose growth? Or a stunt in growth?
My best example of this has been through an exercise that we do in counseling. And in this exercise, I am asked to bring up a memory that is very triggering. Bring up a past memory where I felt unworthy, not good enough, or not understood. And in order to fully understand why certain memories bother me, I have to sit there and process it all. Not run away from it. Not shrug it off. But sit.
But the beautiful thing, is after I have sat in my discomfort, the truth slowly starts to reveal itself. I am able to distinguish the truth from the lies, because I did the hardest part - which was not running away.
"In our brokenness, we can find meaning."
Your life will be full of many transformations, but who you are at your core will remain. Consider sitting with your giants and identifying them.
What discomforts are holding you back? What would it look like to sit in your discomfort?