When Rejection Is Exactly What You Needed
I have a fear of rejection.
Yes, it stems from childhood. Yes, I have done the inner child work and the counseling sessions. Yes, I understand now, that I am worthy and enough as I am.
But... the lingering thought of being rejected by others is at times still present. So much so, that sometimes it can keep me from even trying something out. We as human beings tend to do this sometimes. We wont even give ourselves the chance or opportunity to go or try out for something. We wont put our ideas to the test, out of pure fear that it wont go well or be accepted. So what ends up happening is we reject ourselves before someone else can, because its a little less painful that way. Hows that for counseling?
There was a quote I heard one time that said this...
“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”
-Les Brown
I love this quote, but it can be mighty annoying remembering this one when I don't want to step outside of my comfort zone. But it is so true. How many people never went for it? Never did the thing that kept them up at night? All because they were afraid of rejection or fear of doing it less than perfect.
I recently had the opportunity to do something that I said I would never do. This particular thing wasn't something I would never do, because I didn't agree with it or went against what I believed. I didn't say I would never do this one thing, because I didn't think the opportunity would present itself. No, I said I would never do it because I didn't want to be told no. I believed that if I didn't do it perfectly or the way someone else wanted it done, then it wouldn't be great. I believed I wouldn't get the answer I wanted, so there was no point in trying anyways, right?
This opportunity presented itself through a person I had recently met and they asked me if I would try out. If I would put myself out there and just try. I told them "oh yeah, I'll think about it", knowing good and well I wouldn't. A few weeks passed by again and they asked me again, "Hey Brooke, are you going to do it? Have you thought more about it?" And in that moment, I remembered the words of Les Brown, and I was reminded that the worst thing that could happen was I could be told no. The worst thing wasn't going to crush my soul, diminish my dreams, or send me down a spiral. It would simply be a no. So I said screw it, lets do it!
I had my opportunity. And something didn't feel right. The thing that I thought I might have wanted, was starting to feel differently. And you know what happened? I was told no. Thank you, but not right now. And you know what happened after that? I was fine. I respected their answer. I understood. And I moved on.
I truly believe that this lesson was necessary. It was necessary for this perfect stranger to come into my life for a short period of time, to squash the limiting belief that I am still holding onto. The limiting belief boils down to a fear of not doing things good enough, which ultimately turns into I am not good enough. And that is a lie. That is what limiting beliefs do. They lie and cause us to cave into fear.
My friends, do not cave into fear. No matter what opportunity arises, no matter the acceptance or rejection you will receive, do not cave into fear. You will never know if something is right for you if you do not even try. Sometimes we are hoping and praying for something, but not actually giving ourselves the chance to even go for it. When we do finally give ourselves a chance, we may learn that getting the answer no actually wasn't the worst thing, but instead it was the very best lesson.