This Little Hippie Believer

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things that I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

accepting my hardships,

as a pathway to peace." 

I used the Serenity Prayer in my notes at one of our most recent Wellness Retreats, and also on a recent podcast episode. Honestly, this prayer just seems so appropriate for this time in our society, as so many things are happening around us, so many unknowns, and so much out of our control. But more so, this prayer speaks volumes right now in my life. That next line isn't highlighted very much. We don't see a cute Pinterest quote with that next line on it.

Actually, when I read about accepting my hardships as a pathway to peace, I think a big hell no. My hardships? My pain? My discomfort? Its a pathway to peace? That sucks. It sucks, because it means I have to go through it. A path leads you to a destination. A path takes you to a different location. And the only reassurance that I have from thinking of it that way, is that the pain wont always be on the path. Eventually, the path can and will lead to another destination.

These are the things we discussed at our retreat, and I mentioned to my business partner, that I felt this was one of our most spiritual retreats we have had. There was much prayer. There was a lot of calling out to God. Because to be honest, at the time there was a true heaviness in the room. There were so many hardships that were in the room. Hell, just take a look. There are so many hardships in today's world. War. Separation. Confusion. Destruction. Things that are right, begin to be viewed as wrong. Things that are wrong, begin to be viewed as right.

And I have to be honest, God has been tucked in a pretty little box off to the side for a while for me. It didn't used to be. I go to that box when I feel comfortable, when it feels good and when I need to check off the things that are in the "Christian to-dos". For a while, I think deep down I thought everything I did in my life needed to be separated. The yoga over here. The motivational speaking with light reference to God out of respect for others, over there. Over there in the corner is the teacher life. Right here is the mama life. And right over there, in that pretty little box is God. And that box is opened when and if I go to a church service, and listen to the worship playlist on Spotify. But it took someone, another believer to open my eyes to what I was doing. It took a tattooed, essential oil loving hippie just like me, to show me it doesn't have to be this way.

I have realized that I put way too much faith and expectation in others, instead of the one that matters the most. I have watched my home church crumble from corruption right in front of my eyes, and it scarred me. It made me have trust issues. It made me not want to step foot in a church again. I know this isn't a new concept. Corruption has always been around, we are human. I have watched self-proclaimed Christians deeply hurt others and myself, and it makes me furious. All I can think of is when Jesus went flipping tables in the temple. Instead of saying hey, they are having a human experience too and will royally screw up too, I have put full stock in humans. Full faith in people who fail. People who forget. Individuals that have their own demons to fight off. Just like me. 

And what I haven't done, is realize that my own faith, my own walk, and the way that I worship is between me and my creator. That the things that I feel and do as an act of worship, is what I choose to do. That when I step outdoors and marvel at Gods creation, that is a form of worship. That God understands where I am, and appreciates me imperfectly calling out. Since I come from the divine, and the divine lives within me, I have a sanctuary right here, that I can tap into whenever I need to. I don't need to wait. I can be all the things that I am, because I am created by the maker who loves me this way. A tattooed, messy bun, cursing yogi, who can tap into that divine spirit, call out to my God to say, hey the world is looking dark. He responds back with, do not yield to fear. Continue to love so damn hard. Continue to call out. Continue to trust. Continue to be here, right now in this present moment.

And this fire that was ignited just a few years ago, was ignited because I needed to use my voice. Not necessarily in the way that others thought I should have. Maybe not with the same words others would have chosen. But through my love for others. For being there to listen to others hardships. For being on their pathway that would hopefully lead them to a more peaceful destination. There is a reason why God gave me this fire and passion, and I think that I am finally tapping into that. 

Truly my friends, I don't think God has been in that pretty little box with a bow. Maybe really all that was in that box was all the expectations that others had for my spiritual life. Maybe its all the things you better do, or you truly aren't a believer. It just took me unwrapping it recently to see that is really what it was. Yeah, I think all of those things can stay in that box, sealed shut, as I continue to step out and remember his promises.

"Great is Your faithfulness to me (I'll still bless You)
Great is Your faithfulness to me (I'll still bless You, I'll still bless you)
From the rising sun to the setting same (I'll still bless You)
I will praise Your name (I'll still bless You)
Great is Your faithfulness to me (I'll still bless You)"