We Are Chosen
In the most recent episode of The Truths and Gratitude Podcast, it definitely was the longest episode thus far. And it was worthy of it. It was an episode one hundred percent dedicated to my faith.
As in Jesus.
God.
Christianity.
Church.
You see, here on the blog and podcast, I don't really ever write or verbalize these things. My content isn't created to be faith based. You can hear and see it sprinkled throughout, here and there. I speak of The Divine. I may say how a blessing is like "a God thing". I would tiptoe and cautiously mention God. I didn't want to seem pushy, or too overly faith based. (Yes, I know how this sounds.)
But my desire of wanting to be accepted by all, not wanting to offend others, and fear of flat out rejection due to my faith, has kept me from being direct about God. It reminds me of a verse I read recently.
The first part of Proverbs 29:25 says "The fear of human opinion disables." As a verb, disable means something or someone is limiting movements, senses or activities. Or even better defined, disable means to put out of action. So for awhile now, I have checked all the boxes. The Christian boxes.
Do I believe? Check.
Privately worship in my car? Check.
Pick up my bible on my own time? Check.
Until finally, I stopped checking the boxes. After seeing and hearing of some things that had happened in the church I grew up in, I witnessed corruption take down our church. I began to see hypocrisy at its finest. And I quickly began to question if what I had experienced was even real in the first place.
I wrestled with this for years. I wanted nothing to do with church or any other faith based event. Bible study? Count me out. Devotionals given to me? Nope. And for the longest time, I thought that I was running away from God. That I didn't want anything to do with him. I would tell people exactly that, and I would shame and judge myself when I would say it out loud. But I quickly came to realize, that I in fact wasn't running from him, the perfect one. I was running away from the human aspect, the imperfect part. The part where struggle is real. The part that isn't pretty. The part where mess ups are bound to happen.
Amazingly though, this is where God will meet you every time.
...
So the story goes, that I pushed and pushed it all away. I would check in with God privately on my own, in my car or when out in nature. I would casually bring him up at home, but anytime I felt like we were being "too churchy", I would push things into reverse and say I wasn't ready yet. And here all of this time I thought I was doing it wrong. That I had to be in church every Sunday. I had to be making all Truths and Gratitude content faith based. That everything I listened to would be worship music. But when I read Matthew 6:5-8, I realized I was actually doing it the way that I needed to be doing it. Meeting with God privately, because in this way I was being raw, authentic, and myself. Literally, what I have been saying here since 2017.
Privately.
And privately, is where God has watched me take baby steps. And boy, do I mean baby. Teeny tiny steps, questioning everything I read and see. Wanting the facts. Wanting to know if what I am reading is truly true. The Truths. And then observing. Sitting back and observing what I see and hear. Not afraid to ask the hard questions.
And the beautiful part of the story, is my curiosity and interest in my faith has been at the perfect time. Not pushed on me by someone else. Not because of a Christian holiday where we attended church. It was privately. It was in my bedroom. The babies in bed. Me on my phone, mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. And I happened upon the show, The Chosen.
I had seen it advertised for about a year now, but remember, anything Jesus related was a no-go. But this time felt different. I decided to watch the first episode. And so it all began.
I was chosen. Privately. A gentle nudge here. A nice nudge there. Asking me to look into it a little more. Explore and ask questions a little more. To dive a little deeper. I mentioned in the podcast, how it reminded me of being thrown in the pool when I was younger. I remember wanting to get into the pool, but me taking it one toe, one leg, and one dip at a time. To get accustomed to the waters. But somehow, the silly uncle or cousin would always come throw me in. They would toss me in the deep end, I would come out of the water kicking and screaming. I wanted to go in at my own pace. Of course, they thought if I would just go all in, that was the best way to get used to the water. And they might have been right. But what I wanted was someone to be patient with me, and someone to help me get used to the waters. Eventually, I was in the pool still having a great time, no matter how I got in.
Whether I am carefully entering the faith pool by jumping in or tiptoeing in, I am by the pool. I am here, preparing myself to get in. Where this all takes me? I don't know. Am I fearful of others opinions of me "being too much"? Yeah, I'm human.
But that second part of the verse Proverbs 29:25 says "...trusting in God protects you from that." It protects us from being disabled, from limiting our movements and actions, and instead it puts us INTO ACTION.
What are the rights steps to take? The protocol to follow? The criteria for being chosen?
To love God and love others.
Mark 12:30-31