Born During A Pandemic

I love a really good birth story. 

The whole experience of the labor and delivery, has been some of my most intimate and spiritual moments in this life. 

And then a world wide pandemic, reared its ugly head just around the time my second daughter was to be born. I just knew months before her arrival that the pandemic would just go away. I just knew that the universe wouldn't let this inconvenience me. 

And then the universe laughed.

You know the story. My baby is here and this pandemic is still here. But her birth, her arrival, her story was not inconvenienced. 

I was so nervous about delivering a baby during this pandemic. I imagined this virus as an evil spirit, who lurks the hospital hallways and is just waiting to infect someone. What if it were to creep up on us, even if we tried to keep it away?

The biggest upset was the fact that we could have no visitors. The one visitor that I wanted to see the most, was my toddler at home who had so proudly (for months) explained to every stranger how she would be a big sister. Now here we were. And there she was. Separated. 

But as always in life, sometimes the most ugly things, the things we desperately do not want, the very things we want to run away from ... we can learn from them. They can actually bring about beautiful moments.

Our sweet girl was born with just her mom and dad as the only "visitors". 

I remember wanting to have a photographer there to document the whole thing. I wanted all of the labor and delivery pictures so that I could remember this last time that we would do this. And yet we only have a few. But even those pictures do not compare to ones that I have burned in my memory. I was able to see them with my own eyes, instead of through a screen. I knew my mom wanted to be there so badly, just like she was there for my first. But yet she could be there with my toddler. She gave the best love, attention and fun ... which in the end eased my mind.

And yet it was just us. And it was beautiful my friends. As hurtful as that may sound to some, it was a beautiful moment that my husband and I will never get again. Skin-to-skin time seemed to last for hours. No need to rush off to cover up. No need to get presentable. And because of no visitors, there was so much rest. Our schedule consisted of eating, snuggling, napping. Eating, snuggling, napping. 

We missed our toddler so much. But I had to find the silver lining. I had to believe that if she was able to visit us, that she may of had a hard time leaving us there. That separation sucked. Not being a party of four sucked. I didn't even want to formally "announce" until we were all together.

And once we were all together ... we appreciated that moment and each other even more.

This pandemic has not been pleasing. It has brought about hard moments and frustration. But it also has brought about clarity and peace in other moments.

So if you are delivering during this odd time in history, please know that all will work. You will be great. Your baby will be great. And you will get past this. Count this as a fight against discomfort, and as proof of your strength. Those hospital rooms couldn't be any more clean than they are now. Those hallways couldn't be anymore safer than they are now. And that time that you will have getting to know one another, it couldn't be anymore precious or intimate than it is now.

Thank you to my midwife and to all of the nurses for all that you do. Thank you for putting yourself at risk everyday. And thank you for not letting a pandemic change the amazingness of our birth story. 

You are heroes in my book.